Top 25 Reads of 2020

Hello Readers,

Back in the sweet ignorance of January 2020, I decided this was my YEAR to write in my blog and read like crazy. While I didn’t end up writing as much as I had hoped, I ended up reading more than I ever have since my college days.

When the news becomes too much to bear, I find that turning to reading books, and listening to podcasts, are the best ways for me to cope. During the height of the pandemic and the Black Lives Matter movement, I’d either be too consumed with questions of how America ended up where we are, and how to fix it, or, I just needed an escape entirely.

When George Floyd was murdered in broad daylight, and the world protested our criminal justice system, I was hungry for information involving BIPOC and Latinx injustice in America. At the same time, my love and appreciation of Maine was as strong as ever, and I spent more time outdoors than I have in any other year. Many of these books gave me the information and tools I will need to make a difference in my own community; because, even though our state is wonderful in many ways, diversity is something we lack considerably. Our state could use more forward-thinking, young people and I wish to be a part of the change.

In September, we learned the sex of our baby was female. That sparked a huge interest of gender studies for me as I stared at the copious amount of boy-gender associated toys I had accumulated, and wondered; what will it be like to raise a daughter? My own experiences as a woman drove me to research like crazy. What I found was absolutely fascinating, and inspired me dig out my trunk of Barbies to a very-interested Zeke. You will find many titles exploring feminism, toxic masculinity, and genderless parenting.

I set a goal on Goodreads to read a total of 30 books for the year in January 2020, and surpassed it in October. Now I’m on track to finishing almost 42 books. It’s been a huge year of learning, personal growth, and reading late into the night. I want to share with you the books I read, why I picked them up, what my favorites were, and why.

I have separated my list into 4 subcategories : Maine Writing & Stories, Social Justice & History, Fiction and Non-Fiction, and Parenting. There are a ton of overlapping themes in all of these categories, so I encourage you to explore the reviews of genres you may not typically be interested in.

Let’s dive in.

Maine Writing & Stories

1. When We Were the Kennedys: A Memoir from Mexico, Maine by Monica Wood

When I got my real estate license in Western Maine, I was fascinated by the mill culture that was to be found in Wilton, Livermore Falls & Jay, and Mexico & Rumford, Maine. It was clear to me, that in these houses that I would unlock and show potential clients, there was a history in each one of them. There was a certain energy, and tragedy, that radiated in each apartment. So when I read this book, I felt like I truly understood what happened in those walls.

Monica Wood’s narrative writing is so poignant and moving. It takes you straight into the mind of a young girl growing up in a mill town in Maine during one of America’s most bewildering times: The assassination of JFK. If you’re interested in the boom and bust of Maine’s mill-towns, the complicated nature of losing one’s father at a young age, and the era of the 1960’s, Wood’s memoir is a must-read.

2. Spoonhandle by Ruth Moore

I had grown up looking at the spines of Ruth Moore’s books on my mother’s bookshelves my whole life. With my local library closed in the middle of the pandemic, I borrowed one of Moore’s books to see what these Maine classics were all about.

All I can say is that Ruth Moore is Maine Literature at it’s finest. The premise of the book is that a small fishing community living on the isle of Spoonhandle is coping with the influx of summer tourism, people “from away,” and the progressivism of women’s rights during the 1930s.

Amidst the charm and humor of the story, the plot touched on issues relevant today, and possibly forever: How do we treat people who look or live differently from ourselves? Is the development of land progressive or destructive for a community? What is a community’s responsibility for assisting troubled youth? How does gossip and the exclusion of some affect the community at large?

On top of that, there is romance, tragedy, salty Maine humor, and gorgeous descriptions of Maine coastline. You forget that this was written nearly 75 years ago. Definitely is one to come back to time and time again.

3. Olive, Again by Elizabeth Strout

I was very reluctant to pick up this sequel by Elizabeth Strout because of my distaste for her first novel, Olive Kitteridge. But, Oprah had recommended it for her book club, and honestly, I wanted to see a happy ending after all the hopelessness of the first. After reading this one, I feel more apt to give the original a second chance.

Olive Kitteridge is a dislikable, yet, strangely lovable character, who is incredibly frank and lives in the fictional town of Crosby, Maine.

Crosby is based on the Harpswell/Brunswick area where I grew up, therefore, much of the writing’s location is incredibly relatable to me. This book had me wondering; do I know an Olive in my own life? Am I slowly turning into an Olive? Many of the characters feel very real and the passages brought me to tears several times throughout.

In the autumn of her life, we see Olive grow remarkably and reflect on her life with that same brutal self-awareness she carries throughout the books. There’s harsh and honest love for others despite the bumper stickers you see on their trucks. I happened to pick this up during the height of the national election and it inspired a bit of empathy for others during turbulent political times.

This could be read without reading the first one, but I do recommend reading Olive Kitteridge first.

Also, DEFINITELY tune into the Apple TV episode of Oprah eating her first lobster roll at the Dolphin Marina in Harpswell with a Janet Mills cameo as she interviews Barbara Strout about Olive, Again.

4. We Were an Island: The Maine Life of Art and Nan Kellam by Peter P. Blanchard III and David Graham (Photographer)

So, this is more like a coffee table style book, but it is packed with text and photography of Art and Nan Kellam. If you haven’t heard of them yet, they are an absolutely fascinating couple.

The book flap description reads as follows: “In 1949, Art and Nan Kellam set off to find their own isolated piece of paradise and eventually settled on a 550-acre island known as Placentia, near Mount Desert Island. They would live there year round for nearly forty years.” All that the Kellams had as transportation to the mainland was a heavy wooden dory that they would row to Bass Harbor for supplies. It was a solid 2 miles.

This book is an homage to the Kellam’s unique lifestyle, and the story of their life they built on Placentia Island. It includes inscriptions from the “Big Book” that they used to document their relationship and life amongst the trees and coastline.

I was intrigued by their story after watching the short film We Were an Island directed by Peter Logue and written and composed by Jahn Sood. The film was inspired by this book in particular, and is really beautifully made. This would make a great gift for someone who loves Maine islands and dreams of isolating from the modern world and being immersed in nature.

5. The Stars are Fire by Anita Shreve

This was another book I found gathering dust on my mother’s shelves. Once I started, I could not put this down. It has a plot that has you on your toes until the very end.

This is a historical novel surrounding the Great Fires of Maine in October 1947. After a summer-long drought, there was an explosion of wild fires that broke out along Maine’s coast from York County to Bar Harbor that completely destroyed entire Maine communities with few homes standing. The devastated towns took nearly a decade to come back from it.

Anita Shreve takes you into the world of Grace Holland: an abused, pregnant housewife with two young children who’s left alone to run from and survive the rapidly approaching fire. It’s absolutely thrilling and terrifying. The drama doesn’t end with the fires, and will have you turning pages till the very end.

I will note that the quality of the writing lacked a bit. There were times when a critical eye and a bit of editing would have really made this novel shine. However, if you are interested in the history of this time in Maine and enjoy some horror and romance; definitely give this one a try.

6. Strawberries in the Sea by Elisabeth Ogilvie

I have to read at least one Elisabeth Ogilvie book a year, and I just finished this one centering around the character of Rosa Stilwell: a hardy lobsterwoman who moves to Bennett’s Island to restore a family cottage after her husband commits adultery and impregnates another woman in the town.

Ogilvie is known for her many Maine inspired novels, but especially for her saga surrounding the community on Bennett’s Island—based on her own childhood growing up on Criehaven, the furthermost island off of Maine. These books are beautiful, romantic, and chock-full of Maine coast writing. There are lobster wars, mug-ups of coffee, heartbreak, strolls along the rockweed, and more.

I also read A Mug-Up with Elisabeth by Melissa J. Hayes and Marilyn Westervelt this year, which really dives into Elisabeth Ogilvie’s life and writing style. It was fascinating, if you are further interested in her work. A good place to start is her first Bennett’s Island book, High Tide at Noon.

Social Justice & History

7. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

This was the most ground-breaking account of history that I’ve read in a very long time. Maybe even, ever. I would put this book down furiously and tell my husband fact after fact of how our nation’s leaders very purposefully and carefully used real estate and housing laws to disproportionally affect the livelihoods of POC that seem almost impossible to erase today.

This book is not a beach-read; It’s a dedicated journey through each decade of real estate injustice done to POC who fought like hell to create better lives for their families. It includes information on the creation of the 30 year mortgage, and how POC were not allowed to procure one for ages. It includes information the development of highways, whose construction was purposefully aimed at destroying Black neighborhoods. It describes the invention of Home Owner Association laws, which were only created to further allow segregation when the Supreme Court made segregation illegal.

This book is a must-read for any American who has looked around at their city and wondered how we became so segregated by race and why. The author explains the difference between de-jure segregation and de-facto segregation. It truly does feel like a forgotten, or completely hidden, history that needs to brought to light.

8. Battling Over Birth: Black Women and the Maternal Health Care Crisis by Julia Chinyere Oparah, Helen Arega, Dantia Hudson, Linda Jones, Talita Oseguera

When my pregnancy test turned out to be positive, it was right in the middle of the Black Lives Matter protests and movement in our community. I was attending the protests up until that moment, and understood that it was probably unsafe to continue going to physical demonstrations.

So I retreated to my couch to further understand the injustice done to Black women in the healthcare industry; more specifically, maternal health and reproductive justice.

What I learned was astounding. Some of the facts include that Black pregnant individuals have a three- to four-fold higher risk of maternal mortality compared to white women. Not only did the report conclude that almost 40% of the deaths had a good-to-strong chance of being prevented, maternal mortality was four times higher among black women than women of other racial/ethnic groups. Black women are more likely to go into labor before 37 weeks, and to give birth to infants who weigh below the low birthweight threshold of 5 pounds, 8 ounces.

Since premature and low birth weight infants are at greater risk of dying, access to good quality prenatal care can be a matter of life and death. Often, Black mothers choose to opt out of prenatal and postpartum appointments because of the racism they face from healthcare providers. It’s an area of social justice that definitely deserves way more attention and funding—and it’s something I think of often when I meet with other BIPOC mothers, knowing they are probably going through a very different parenting journey than me.

9. How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

This was another groundbreaking book for me that helped me realize that being an inactive white person in my community (and more broadly, my country) means that I am playing my own part in racist America. It made me pause with the word “racist” and realize what it really means. I think you could say this was a pretty controversial book this year.

He wrote in his introduction, “What’s the problem with being “not racist”? It is a claim that signifies neutrality: “I am not a racist, but neither am I aggressively against racism.” But there is no neutrality in the racism struggle. The opposite of “racist” isn’t “not racist.” It is “antiracist.” What’s the difference? One endorses either the idea of a racial hierarchy as a racist, or racial equality as an antiracist. One either believes problems are rooted in groups of people, as a racist, or locates the roots of problems in power and policies, as an antiracist. One either allows racial inequities to persevere, as a racist, or confronts racial inequities, as an antiracist.” (Kendi)

This book uses definitions to understand which policies are either racist or anti-racist in our country and how to make choices that will benefit or hinder POC. It functions great as a reference book to come back to again and again, which made it a super important book for 2020 and on. It also comes in handy when you’re having a discussion with that certain racist family member who may not agree with you. Ibram X. Kendi has a way of taking abstract political situations and making them more clear by defining them. It certainly made a lot of people uncomfortable—including myself—however, I believe that’s what it takes to see real and lasting change.

10. Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy by Angela Garbes

I loved this book. It covers so many important topics in pregnancy from the perspective of a feminist. Garbes discusses all the topics you don’t read about in What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

My favorite topic she covers is the mental transition from a woman without children to being a parent. It’s definitely something that’s been rough for me, personally.

She writes, “How do we measure our own self-worth when our new self is barely recognizable? We cannot use the same values that applied to our lives before we were parents—being an ever-present friend or tireless worker, being stylish or the life of a party—when it is hard to sleep, find pants that fit, or leave the house.”

She starts with the taboo subject of miscarriage and how even the word itself places the blame of child loss on the woman. She dives into the science of miscarriages, orgasms, placentas, postpartum depression and anxiety, and more.

Even more important, Garbes teaches us the history of women’s healthcare, and how it evolved to where it is today. Not surprisingly, it’s based on the findings and methods of white men, so there are methods used—even today—that need tremendous change. Definitely one of my favorite books of the year.

11. The End of Policing by Alex S. Vitale

I turned to this book when there were demands to Defund the Police this year. I had A LOT of questions about what defunding the United States’ police stations would look like, and if it meant our families would be safe.

I’m so glad I did, because I got all the background and research-based information I needed to make up my mind on whether it was something I supported or not.

Vitale takes us to the beginning of where modern policing originated in the United States, and why. He compares our motivation for policing to other countries. He writes in-depth about the militarization of police training and how that violent mindset is brought into the communities of those who need help.

Even more important, Vitale gives us actual, fact-based solutions on how to fix the police brutality issue facing our nation. He lists the ways other methods of keeping schools and communities safe have worked in our country in even some of the most crime-ridden populations. This book gave me simultaneous feelings of being both angry with how we got to this point in our country and yet hopeful for the ability to change.

12. Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

As I had mentioned at the beginning of my post, when I discovered the sex of my baby was female, I searched for guidance in books on how to raise a daughter in such a patriarchal society. I knew Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is highly regarded as a writer, so I decided to see what her feminist fifteen suggestions were. It’s a very short, but incredibly meaningful manifesto.

I loved that it was quick and to the point. One of her points was, “If she likes makeup, let her wear it. If she likes fashion, let her dress up. But if she doesn’t like either, let her be. Don’t think that raising her feminist means forcing her to reject femininity. Feminism and femininity are not mutually exclusive. It is misogynistic to suggest that they are. Sadly, women have learned to be ashamed and apologetic about pursuits that are seen as traditionally female, such as fashion and makeup. But our society does not expect men to feel ashamed of pursuits considered generally male.”

I’ve grown up having a strong aversion to the color pink, because the blatant feminine color feels assigned to birth genitalia, and that just feels weird to me. Jake and I have decided to keep our daughter’s belongings all gender neutral colors and themes for the most part until she decides for herself what gender she feels drawn to. Adichie’s quote above reaffirmed to me that if she does so choose to love the feminine things in life as she gets older, to completely embrace that, and allow her to shine in whatever colors she chooses.

This is a fantastic gift to that feminist pregnant friend or new mother with a baby girl. Some reviews come from women who love it as the advice they never received as a young girl. Really beautiful stuff.

Fiction & Non-Fiction

13. In the Great Green Room: The Brilliant and Bold Life of Margaret Wise Brown by Amy Gary

When it was clear that Zeke’s favorite books to read before bed were Goodnight, Moon, The Runaway Bunny, and The Big Red Barn by Margaret Wise Brown, I became interested in who it was who wrote these timeless children’s books, and why.

She certainly was no old woman whispering “hush.” Brown lived a VERY exciting and complicated life, and Amy Gary went on an amazing journey to find out exactly that was. Gary ended up finding herself at the kitchen table of Brown’s sister, Roberta, who had a treasure trove of Margaret Wise Brown’s unpublished work filed away in an old barn in Vermont. These pieces included unpublished manuscripts, children’s songs, personal letters, and diaries. These pieces are what inspired Gary to write the story of Brown’s short, yet legendary, life.

These were my favorite discoveries:

Brown was a closeted bisexual woman and had a very long and complicated relationship with Michael Star—a famous gender-bending woman of her time. Her happiest times were spent at “The Only House,” a cottage she purchased on Vinalhaven Island in Maine. She had many friends come to her property where a grave now marks where she spent her summers gathering inspiration for her writing. One of those relationships was a romantic one she had with a lobsterman. Goodnight, Moon was inspired by Brown and her sister’s childhood practice of saying “goodnight” to the items in their room before falling asleep. The Runaway Bunny was inspired by a French poem about a lover. Gary writes that she was downhill skiing when the idea struck her, and had to leave the mountain immediately to go write it down.

This will be one of my absolute favorite memoirs of all time. I have such a personal connection to her writing and the many wonderful books she has published for reading together with children. Not to mention, if she were still alive today, I would genuinely, really want to be her friend.

14. The Summer Country by Lauren Willig

This is an amazing and unique piece of historical fiction that I enjoyed from start to finish. Lauren Willig did her research for this one, and it really shows.

When I read the jacket of this book, I knew for certain it would be a book I would love. I took an amazing Caribbean History course in my senior year of college where I learned about the island of Barbardos and it’s legendary slave revolt of 1812. What I was unaware of, was it’s cholera outbreak in 1854.

It was fascinating to read this year, particularly because the storyline alternates between Emily Dawson, the heiress of her grandfather’s plantation, Peverills, which lies in ruins in 1854 — and, Jenny, the Black slave of the neighboring plantation in 1812. Reading about the complex characters and the mystery surrounding the demise of the plantations was entertaining, yet, I was able to connect the themes of Black injustice and pandemic panic to current events happening this year.

Lauren Willig was able to describe the landscape of Barbados beautifully, and served to be a lovely mental vacation during a time where I was physically craving one so badly!

15. The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah

I stumbled upon this book through Kindle Unlimited, and remembered a friend on Instagram had recommended it in one of her stories. It was my first time reading Kristin Hannah and I was, and still am, really impressed by her work.

I really enjoyed our main character, Leni; a young girl traveling with her parents to an inherited run-down camp in Alaska in 1974. Her father is a former Vietnam POW with a terrifying temper and her mother is a beautiful free spirit who can’t seem to justify leaving him to protect her daughter. This is a complex coming-of-age story combined with hunting and wilderness survival. The best part was learning all about what it took to endure living in rural Alaska during the winter months in the 70’s. Add in some romantic interest and a scary father with PTSD and it makes for a wild ride.

“What’s it really like?” Leni asked Matthew the next day at the end of school. All around them, kids were gathering up their supplies to go home. “What?” “Winter.” Matthew thought about it. “Terrible and beautiful. It’s how you know if you’re cut out to be an Alaskan. Most go running back to the Outside before it’s over.” “The Great Alone,” Leni said. That was what Robert Service called Alaska.”

16. Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline

I am a big fan of Christina Baker Kline’s work, and this was the novel that gave her the fame she has today. However, I had never read it.

There are two storylines that feel very unlikely to cross—but you start to see how these two characters might be able to relate as the story gets going.

The main storyline follows the trials and tribulations of an Irish orphan girl named Vivian who is shipped on the Orphan Train with the Children’s Aid Society in 1912 from New York to the Midwest. These organizations intentions were to find homes for the youth, but generally ended up forcing them into indentured servitude. Vivian’s story is heartbreaking, and it is very true to what happened to many children during this time in America—a very little known part of our nation’s history.

The modern storyline in 2011 takes place in Bar Harbor, Maine where a foster child named Molly feels very misunderstood in her placed home and school. She’s a typical teenager who stands out as a rebel in goth clothing and Penobscot Indian heritage. She’s assigned to do some community service for a small crime and ends up having to help Vivian (now 91 years old) organize her belongings. These two women find connection through the failure of the adoption systems in our nation and the ability to persevere.

I love reading this authors work. I suggest starting with this novel, and then continuing with The Way Life Should Be, A Piece of the World, and then her newest novel, The Exiles.

17. Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I bought this on my Kindle on a whim while Jake and I were on vacation in Brooksville. I became enveloped in the story instantly. I was slogging through some of my more serious non-fiction books and realized that I should probably be reading something more enjoyable while on vacation. I finished it before I turned in the keys to our cottage.

With my toes in the sand at on our private beach, I quickly became fascinated with the rock‘n’ roll characters of the late sixties on Sunset Boulevard in LA. It’s written as an oral history with each character weighing in on the hazy memories of what it was like to be a part of the rise of Daisy Jones & the Six—a fictional band strongly influenced by Fleetwood Mac. The voices of each character really bring this book to life. There is a lot of romance, song writing, sex & drugs, and coming-of-age complexity. I loved reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last year by Taylor Jenkins Reid, and this one was just as enjoyable. Pick this one up if you need an escape!

18. The Last Train to Key West by Chanel Cleeton

I’ve been reading Chanel Cleeton’s “Cuba Saga” since she started with Next Year in Havana in 2018. I love the way she describes the heartbreak of those who were forced to leave their country, and the complexity of what it was like for those who were relocated. One of her characters from the saga is included in the storyline of this book which takes place on the Key West islands of Florida.

Because of this story, I was able to learn of Henry Flagler’s legendary Overseas Railroad which was widely known as the “Eighth Wonder of the World.” Helen Berner, works in a diner near one of the train’s stations and crosses paths with Mirta Perez and Elizabeth Preston—two other women with complex stories and reasons for being in the Keys during Labor Day weekend in 1935. I learned about the demise of the Overseas Railroad during this weekend and the 408 deaths that resulted from the devastating hurricane of 1935. Many of those being from the controversial veterans camps stationed in Key West.

I love this series! Really enjoyable for reading with a lot of historical information every time I read them!

19. Dear Girls: Intimate Tales, Untold Secrets, & Advice for Living Your Best Life by Ali Wong

I am very biased about this book because I just LOVE Ali Wong’s stand-up comedy. She really challenged the stage by showing up as an Asian American pregnant woman and I have so much respect for that. She writes about that journey and I really enjoyed learning about her rise to fame. She also has a lot to say about being a mother and the hilarious and very real challenges that come with that.

This book made me laugh a lot, and that was just really nice for 2020. She is the perfect mix of being raunchy, real, liberal, and dope AF. If you’re curious if her humor is something you’d enjoy, you should check out her Netflix specials Baby Cobra and Hard Knock Wife. She’s also known for her leading role in the movie, Always Be My Maybe, which she wrote and produced.

Parenting Books

20. Raising Boys to be Good Men: A Parent's Guide to Bringing up Happy Sons in a World Filled with Toxic Masculinity by Aaron Gouveia

This book is the essential guidebook for raising boys to respect women and reject the hyper-masculine culture that is SO pervasive in our culture. It’s written by Aaron Gouveia who is the fantastic writer for The Daddy Files and gained viral fame after tweeting his support for his son’s painted fingernails. He’s great because his writing is full of lived experiences growing up with toxic masculinity and raising boys while making tons of mistakes along the way and how he’s learned from them.

He writes about how the “Girl Power” movement has encouraged women that they can do whatever they want, but there also needs to be change for the male stereotype and that means encouraging openness towards actions like ballet, theatre, playing with dolls, or painting their fingernails.

He writes, “But we can treat this problem—and the power lies in the hands of parents. It's not only possible to raise boys who aren't emotionally stifled and shoved into stereotypical gender boxes; it's vital if we want a generation of men who can express their emotions, respect women, and help nurse society back to a halfway healthy place.”

Some of these chapters felt very obvious to me, but others were really, really enlightening and gave me a lot to think about when making parenting decisions with Zeke. I feel like fathers in particular should read this, but I highly recommend it for all parents.

21. There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom's Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids by Linda Åkeson McGurk

This was my favorite parenting book of 2020. I am just absolutely fascinated with Scandinavian culture after reading this book. Growing up in Maine, I’ve found that I’ve had a tough time getting through winters in a positive frame of mind—and I think it’s very related to the fact that I tend to be an indoorsy person.

This all changed a bit when I started working at the Sugarloaf resort in Carrabassett Valley and started to learn the value of outdoor winter fun. And now, amidst a pandemic with a toddler in the very start of winter weather, I feel like reading this book was exactly the inspiration I needed to get us out of the house.

This Swedish-born author examines the differences between Scandanavian and American culture when it comes to being outdoors with children and how vast those differences are. The benefits of “friluftsliv” or “open-air living” are so interesting to me and gives me inspiration to bundle up everyday, despite the elements, and get outside to admire the Earth in all its climate.

There are so many aspects about Sweden’s approach to childhood education that I will take with me and stick in my back pocket when advocating for things I wish to see in America’s school system for the future. She had wonderful tips at the end of every chapter to help incorporate them into everyday life.

22. Expecting Better and Cribsheet by Emily Oster

This is a double header because both of these books are so freaking essential to understanding the fact-based science of pregnancy, birth, and raising babies and toddlers.

I cannot express how important these books are to read for anyone pregnant or trying to conceive. Emily Oster is an award-winning economist who researched ALL of the medical studies done on pregnant women and for early childhood. She explains those studies in these books and how they affect the advice given to parents today. Some of the big ones involve drinking caffeine, alcohol, eating certain foods, labor decisions, sending your child to daycare, and etc. Basically any decision that is debated by mothers.

I wish I had read these during my first pregnancy, but thankfully, I read them at the beginning of this one—and I am just so much more relaxed about it, even amidst a pandemic. It’s so great to know the actual studies of where all the pregnancy advice comes from. I have such great respect for medical professionals, and I truly think their advice is valid, but sometimes it’s nice to know where they’re getting their data from. There are so many conflicting pieces of information on how to raise a healthy child! These books give you the knowledge you need to make those choices for yourself with zero guilt or uneasiness.

23. All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership by Darcy Lockman

Oh boy, this was a good one. This book takes a real good look at parenting relationships between mothers and fathers. It was really, really interesting and provoked some really awkward and encouraging conversations between Jake and I.

The question that this book is asking, is: Even in this age of “equality,” why are women still doing ALL OF THE HOUSEWORK? These are women who are advocating for themselves in the board room, protesting for equal rights in politics, and yet not advocating for themselves in their own domestic settings.

It is a problem across all income levels and ethnicities, and Darcy Lockman set out to find out why. In this book she interviews experts across academic fields, from gender studies professors and anthropologists to neuroscientists and primatologists. She chronicles the experiences of a diverse cross-section of women raising children with men; visiting new mothers’ groups and pioneering co-parenting specialists.

The fact is, even the GOOD partners are falling short of their parenting and housekeeping duties (lookin’ at you, Jake! ;). What Lockman finds is that there is nothing scientific about males that makes them any less of a caregiver or housekeeper. This problem is simply a cultural one, and it needs outspoken change.

24. The Tao of Motherhood by Vimala McClure

I have yet to meet a mother who is not anxious about something. Let me introduce you to: The Tao of Motherhood.

I keep this book beside my bed to occasionally reference when I am feeling anxious about the state of the world, or Zeke, or being pregnant, or literally anything. It automatically will ground me to what is important and real with confidence that I know what is best.

These passages have become so important to me that I have written them down on cardstock and used them as bookmarks and put them in places around my house as reminders.

I will share one of my favorites with you, and then encourage you to order it immediately as it is the loveliest treat for yourself or any mother in your life:

“Throw away gadgets. Discard expert opinions. Forget the toys to stimulate intelligence. Don’t buy devices to simulate what is real. Return to the real. Connect with your children heart to heart. Let them gaze at you, at trees and water and sky. Let them feel their pain. Feel it with them. Touch them with your hands, your eyes, and your heart. Let them bond with the living breathing world. Let them feel their feelings and teach them their names. Return to the uncarved simplicity” (36-37).

Don’t you feel better already? This book is a keeper.

25. Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting by Kyl Myers

This was another one of my absolute favorite books of the year. It was so interesting to read the journey this couple took to raise their child without a socially constructed gender. She explains her own upbringing and the path she took towards her own education of gender science and the harmful effects it can have starting from childhood.

So when she found out she was pregnant with her first child, she and her husband made the choice to allow their child to live a “genderfull life” with the complete freedom to choose their own gender. That meant, that the actual sex—the baby’s genitalia—would not be known to anyone. She named them Zoomer Coyote, and gave them the ability to not be beholden to the boy-girl binary, disparities, or stereotypes from the day the child is born.

Kyl Meyers has a great writing style that keeps you engaged, yet, she is super professional and informational about every parenting decision she made and why. As you can imagine, she is used to the criticism she and her husband are faced with in the media, therefore, she is always prepared to support her decisions.

Though I would probably not ever go to the lengths that she has gone to, this book made me so much more open-minded about the possibility of Zeke’s gender choices as he gets older, and the ways in which I can encourage gender freedom in our household. I love following Kyl Meyers on Instagram and seeing the amazing childhood that Zoomer is experiencing being able to have so much freedom to express themself.

In Conclusion

By the end of this year I will have read 42 books. The ones I didn’t enjoy as much didn’t make the list. That is what I am proud of for 2020. I may not have been able to control much of what happens during a pandemic/civil rights movement/election year/second pregnancy/etc. but I feel like I learned a lot. I still have SO much more to learn and read about in 2021.

Please follow me on Goodreads to keep up to date with my reviews and reading lists. I also ask that you send me reading recommendations!

Happy Reading and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

xoxo, the rockweed writer (& reader, too)